In any relationship, there is a moment when you stop noticing the things about your partner that you used to admire. The partner doesn’t seem so perfect to you anymore. You begin to see the partner’s shortcomings.
During this period, couples usually become more vulnerable, there is a high probability of breaking up at this stage. But, having experienced a difficult parting, we begin the search for the ideal partner again. But as soon as we find a new partner, the situation, vicious circle “from admiration to disappointment”, begins again and again. Why does it happen?
It is generally accepted that love relationships go through five standard stages.
Stage one: Falling in love
If we look at falling in love from a biological point of view, we can say that it is just physical chemistry to connect two people. But when we are attracted to someone, we don’t think about the tricks of nature: just because we are under the influence of the hormones dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen. They cause the feeling of “butterflies in the stomach”.
This feeling becomes more and more intense when we unconsciously begin to project all our unrealized dreams and hopes onto a potential partner. We begin to dream about our future together with this partner: that all our desires will be fulfilled, that we will receive everything we did not get in childhood, and that we will not face the disappointments that we experienced in previous relationships. It may sound cynical, but hormones do not allow us to think sensibly and logically.
Stage two: Making a couple.
At this stage, the feelings of lovers become stronger; the couple has common goals, and forms common values, and realizes each other’s desires. This stage is a period of joy and pleasure from the fact that you can just be together. Hormones no longer have the same power, but you feel a deeper attachment. Sex, although it may become less frequent and less passionate, becomes more meaningful and still satisfying. There is a feeling of security, reliability, and stability. At this period, many people may feel the lack of passion, which they had before, but they like this stage of their relationship more, as they feel that their love is stable, and nothing can change it. But this is a big mistake.
Stage Three: Frustration with your partner’s shortcomings.
Suddenly you realize that your ideal love has lost previous bright colors. You ask yourself a question: “Was there love? Perhaps there wasn’t any love”. This stage can reveal itself in different ways: someone tries to avoid any conflict situations and lives with a feeling of dissatisfaction for years, and someone immediately stops such a relationship and looks for a new source of strong feelings. At this stage, the partners no longer accept each other as “ideal”: now they see an ordinary person, and it is not easy, but nevertheless possible to love him without the help of hormones and illusions of the previous two stages. In fact, at this period you start to build true love, as only after the third stage you begin to accept each other completely as you really are.
Stage Four: True love.
After you have experienced all the hardships that accompanied the third stage, the stage of deep and careful reflection begins. Together, you begin to analyze in detail what happened to you at the previous stage and why you were destabilized by it. During this period, you get to know each other better than ever, because often the root of your mutual (but, fortunately, already past) hardships lies in your childhood. At the fourth stage of the relationship, people are support for each other.
And it is correct: researches show that the trauma experienced in childhood (parental divorce, domestic violence, infidelity) can directly affect how a person will behave when he grows up and how he will build his relationships. At this stage, your egoism recedes into the background: your attachment to each other becomes so deep that you begin to heal each other’s wounds.
Stage five: love that can change the world.
At this stage, we will talk about the Absolute of Love. Your love is already so mature that you don’t need to support it; that is why it logically looks for realization in other good deeds. This stage is the result of the previous decades of your relationship when love becomes the very poetic feeling that can truly change the world. Very often, at this stage, couples begin to get engaged in joint creativity, learn to dance, sing together, go to concerts, write books, create social projects, and simply enjoy life.